I find comfort in believing I’m not alone and that a majority of people in the world have played out ridiculous episodes of things they’d like to do in their heads. The difference in me and “the majority of people”? Well, they generally don’t act out the scenarios in their head. They don’t do them because it’s ineffective at best. At worst you’re labeled a psycho or insane. No one with any self-control or self-respect would give in to the crazy.
In my adult years I’ve always delighted in being my own person. I’m generally pretty confident and I usually conduct myself like the sweet Southern belle that I am. Unfortunately, that was not the case on one hot June summer afternoon. I unleashed an extraordinary amount of crazy because I didn’t have control of my own emotions and insecurities. The floodgates that generally keep my emotions from my actions were flung open…and every bit of insecurity, hurt, and anger that had built up over months came out in a series of embarrassing texts.
If any mutant happens to stumble upon this (unlikely to happen and hopeful they won’t) and is thinking about conveying months of emotions into one phone call, visit, or text – stop right now. This is the answer you were looking for. Don’t do it. Stamp out ignorance. Act with dignity. Calm down and then have a discussion. Or run for the hills. Do anything except for that.
If I could save just one starry-eyed young woman from making the same mistake I made, then it will all be worth it. Except it really won’t. But it would help a little bit. If anyone out in the big world is thinking about unleashing sweet hell on someone in the midst of an emotional tsunami I beg you, don’t do it. It only takes a few minutes (and in my case a few texts) to find yourself in a humiliating mess. I’m so over thinking about this and reliving this.
I made a mistake. A single mistake. And to the friend who is mercilessly punishing me for said mistake, first of all I get it. Second, I’m genuinely sorry for the choices I made and the texts I sent. Finally, I hope that when you make a big mistake that whoever is on the receiving end of your misdeed will treat you with more compassion and mercy than I’ve been given by you. I mean that. I wouldn’t wish this nightmarish situation on anyone. Not even on you.
Currently playing in the soundtrack of my mind: Too Shy by Kajagoogoo.