One time the air conditioning in Schmoopy’s house went out. It was unseasonably hot where he lives, and he was absolutely miserable. To make matters worse, his office was located directly above the garage making it the hottest or coldest room in the house depending on the weather. I was sympathetic to his unfortunate situation, and then he said something that stopped me cold in my tracks. Something that sent shivers down my spine and made my stomach churn. He said he was so hot that he had “swamp ass”. I don’t know what it is about that term, but it absolutely disgusts me. I’ve heard it before, but somehow when he said it to me I got the most sickening visual of him. Think about it. Swamp ass. Ewww.
There’s no point I wish to make, I’m just writing because of the commitment I made. At the time he said “swamp ass” we’d already transitioned over into no-more-nonsense territory. When he said this it definitely helped the cause. Swamp ass might possibly be the least lust-inducing description I’ve ever heard.
And while I’m creating this completely pointless essay, I’ll throw out a few more things that annoy me. I don’t like it when words are misspelled on purpose because they are supposed to be perceived as cute. Kidz Korner would be an example. It isn’t cute, it’s just ignorant and distracting and I wouldn’t want my children to receive their care or preschool education from an establishment run by people who
can’t don’t spell things correctly on purpose.
A runner-up to the above paragraph (but not nearly as offending) is when words in America have an extra e on the end to make it seem more sophisticated or something. It doesn’t. We aren’t speaking old English here, dear bloke. We’re not falling for it. Your establishment is not more fancy and sophisticated because of that unnecessary “e”. It’s just obnoxious. Places like The Medicine Shoppe (which I purposely pronounce Shopp-y) will not get my business simply because I don’t like the way it’s spelled. I also don’t want to live in a neighborhood called XYZ Pointe (or Point-y as I would call it).
I have an adverse reaction every time I see a urinating cartoon character on the back window of a vehicle. Because, why? There’s nothing on earth that would make me dislike something so much that I’d buy a decal of a urinating stick man relieving himself on the thing I dislike and then place it permanently on my car window to share with the world.
Another one is I could care less. Ummm…really? You could? Don’t you mean you couldn’t care less? Think about it.
I could go on and on. I’d like to go on and on. It’s kind of fun to think about things like this, but it’s time to go make dinner.
Ye Olde Friend,
Currently playing in the soundtrack of my mind: Dinner Bell by They Might Be Giants.