I went to get my annual mammogram today. I fully expected it would be like every other time I’ve had one for the past 6 or 7 years, but it wasn’t. Today I found out that I’m one of the 1.6 million women in the United States this year who will have to get a biopsy because of an abnormal mammogram. Today my mammogram revealed that something is there that hasn’t been there in the past. They tried to get a better idea of what we’re dealing with via ultrasound, but they just can’t definitively say one way or the other. The only way the doctor will know if it’s cancer is by taking a biopsy. I’m scared, but not for the reason I probably should be scared.
The truth is that I’m most frightened at the thought of getting the biopsy done. The doctor said they’re going to really numb me up, but I’ve heard this type of biopsy can be really painful and on a scale of low to high pain tolerance I’d rank somewhere between 0 and 1. Also, I’m a crier. It’s not pretty. Once the biopsy is over I should find out if it’s cancer within 24 hours. I’m so thankful I won’t have to wait for a long time to get the results. Knowing one way or another is so much better than wondering.
The doctor told me that 1 in 8 women in the United States will be diagnosed with breast cancer at some point in their lives. That seems astoundingly high to me. Thank goodness they can usually catch it before it spreads to other parts of the body. He assessed me as high risk, but that’s mainly because my mother had breast cancer. She recently celebrated 25 years cancer free. Praise God.
Obviously I’m going to pray that it isn’t cancer. I hope it isn’t cancer. But God’s will be done. I feel a strong sense of peace about it right now, which is completely uncharacteristic of me. I worry about things. All things. But in the face of this news, I’m just not worried at all about the diagnosis. I know that every word of my story has already been written and I know who holds my future.
But I am going to need some Xanax to get through the biopsy. Knife, needle, and breasts are 3 words I hope to never hear in the same sentence again. Yikes. I’m anxious to get this thing over with.
Certain in the uncertainty (and for those who understand, this makes total sense),
Currently playing in the soundtrack of my mind: Otto Titsling by Bette Midler. I know that seems highly irreverant given the news I got today, but it is what it is. And right now, it’s Otto Titsling. If I’m being completely honest, this song is a frequent visitor to my mind. I think of it at least once a month and then feel compelled to sing it all day long (much to the annoyance of those around me, I’m sure).